I feel completely out of it. Nothing is okay right now. I've started having mini panic attacks for the first time in my life, and I'm seeing myself fit into the symptoms of so many mental disorders.
This is already hard for me to write about. I want to delete it and forget about it, but I know that I'll immediately regret it and try to post again..so I might as well try.
I am incredibly stressed right now. Half of me thinks there's no reason to be, and the other half is too busy freaking out to care. I'm nervous all the time, I'm afraid of getting things done, and I'm terrified of the next few years. Forget my life after school..I can't really see that happening. That alone scares the piss out of me!
I'm so everywhere with my thoughts and I feel worse and worse every day. What am I supposed to do? I've been trying to find new things to do to keep me physically busy. It's terrible though..I suck at drawing and I'm sure my writing is really bad. It doesn't matter though, I won't do anything that people will remember. I'll be forgotten easily, I'm sure.
Gah. Wtf. > < I'm spastic and on edge and so, so, so confused about everything. I just want to run away forever. I don't want to stop anywhere, I just want to see everything pass me by.
I actually want to let everyone I know down. I'm not sure if this means I'm unsure of where I'm going in life or if I already subconsciously know I don't want to do this... I just know that this is all too much for me. I want it to stop NOW.
I really want to just get messed up and stay that way forever. But I want to get help and I don't know if I actually need it or not. I feel like I'm just being lame but everything is always the same. I'm remembering being younger and all I can remember is feeling like this.
WHAT DO I DO?